Dissent is Russian, or haven’t you heard?
Dissent is Russian.
Peace activism is Russian.
Exposing war crimes is Russian.
Inconveniencing Democrats is Russian.
Tara Reade? Russian.
Julian Assange? Russian.
Jill Stein? Russian.
Tulsi Gabbard? Russian.
Russia? You bet your sweet ass that’s Russian.
Conspiracy theories are Russian.
Alternative media are Russian.
It’s Russian to ask questions.
It’s Russian to reveal objective facts.
It’s Russian to tell the truth.
Truth is Russian in an empire of lies.
If truth is Russian, I don’t want to be Australian.
If truth is Russian, you can call me Svetlana.
If truth is Russian, then I will ascend to the clouds
by climbing a Tolstoy novel,
kicking my feet out in front of me
with my bum low to the ground
balancing a bottle of vodka atop a fur hat
whilst shouting “Stallone was the bad guy in Rocky IV”
until my voice is hoarse.
If truth is Russian, then let’s all get Russian.
Get as Russian as possible.
Get aggressively Russian.
Get offensively Russian.
Get Russianly Russian.
Get so Russian it hurts.
Get so Russian they write Palmer Report articles about you.
Get so Russian that Rachel Maddow spits your name like it’s poison.
Get so Russian that Putin calls you and says tone it down.
Get so Russian that Khabib Nurmagomedov has nightmares about fighting you.
Camus said “The only way to deal with an unfree world
is to become so absolutely Russian
that your very existence is an act of rebellion,”
or something like that.
So get Russian, baby.
Fold your arms and get low on the dance floor.
Get low, shorty,
get low, low, low.
and get Russian.
Thanks for reading!